were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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