you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
