You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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