Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
