hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
