I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
In America we eat man semen.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
