so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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