holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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