Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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