I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
