While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize