At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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