He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Moan for me like Helen Keller
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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