i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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