A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
where am i from again
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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