i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
