I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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