Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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