everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
