Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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