I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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