But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
