i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
