How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
