I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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