even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
