When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
