Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
