I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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