yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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