my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
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hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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