Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
