did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
