Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think my vagina is haunted
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
