just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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