since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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