well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
