3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
