woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
