I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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