id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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