I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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