Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
