This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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