It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
