Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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