I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
