Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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