What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
