I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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