The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize