I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
