I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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