before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
