10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
