that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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