I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
