hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
