Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
