If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
