tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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