his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
