Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
