I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
