I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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