the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
