So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
