He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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