did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
