Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
