if you like me you must not know who I am
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
