Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
