It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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