At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
