Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
