Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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