Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
