I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
