i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
