New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
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My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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